Learning Safety From The Expert
Thank you for joining us in The Let’s Adventure Academy Course Library!
This free short course is brought to you by The Lady Alliance Foundation – helping change the face of leadership in the outdoor industry.
The content gathered for this course was collected through interviews with Stacey Mitry – a retired FBI agent and founder of Empowered Mindset Self Defense. Stacey also joined us in our Body Course – part of the Empowerment Series. We have brought all of Stacey’s valuable information together into this program to help us share this information with you.
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The Lady Alliance Foundation
Meet Stacey Mitry
Stacey proudly served 10 years in the FBI – specializing in Crimes Against Children (CAC) matters.
A certified FBI Firearms Instructor and Defensive Tactics Instructor, she also served on the San Francisco SWAT Team as a Sniper – one of the first female certified Snipers in the history of the FBI.
She did a short stint as a Hostage Negotiator, but preferred the black and camo of SWAT to the telephone.
Promoted to Supervisor at FBI Headquarters in Washington, DC with the CAC Unit she pioneered the Child Abduction Rapid Deployment Team, while overseeing CAC matters nationwide.
After the birth of her second daughter, she regretfully resigned, but has gone on to use her knowledge, skills, and real world experience to empower others in her community, and encourage inclusion wherever she goes.
Her FBI cases and her Self Defense classes have been featured on major media outlets to include Fox New Live, America’s Most Wanted (Case Consultation – 2 episodes), SRF 9 and BernerBār (Switzerland), and WFAA ABC 8, as well as a variety of newspaper articles.
Her current mission is to educate & empower women and girls with her Empowered Mindset & Self Defense classes she teaches across the US and overseas, and writing books about it all with candor, humor, and more than a few swear words.
Notes from Stacey
Throughout my life, both personal and professional, I have seen how fear can dissuade women from living their lives out loud! Although I’m a natural introvert, when I use my body with force and power, there is an exhilaration that radiates outward. Couple that with finding confidence in chaos, education over apprehension, and utilizing my voice to empower others. It makes me unstoppable.
I’ve taken everything I’ve learned over the years, and all my training and real world experience, to create this class I believe can change lives. If just 1 person – literally just 1 – keeps themselves safe or is able to fight their way out of an unsafe situation because of what I’ve provided, then all the effort, time, and guidance put in will have been worth it. I hope you are never chosen as a victim, but if you are, I hope you are that 1!
Ready to kick ass?
Stacey’s Journey to the FBI
Journey in Writing
After reading my bio and getting an overview of me, I’d like to dive into my story a little deeper.
When I learned about this course I knew I wanted to be part of it, and second, it allowed me to analyze myself. Not just my physical body, but also my body of work. My life has taken some twists and turns, I’ve had my share of bumps in the road, but I always keep pressing on.
The formative years are hard to remember, but my first love was gymnastics.
Well, if I’m honest, my first love was a boy named Tommy in preschool, but that didn’t work out.
So gymnastics it was – at age 5.
And it became my life.
Literally. I lived in the gym, coveted new leotards, and wore chalk like it was my very own unscented perfume. My body was toned and tough. My hands were calloused and rugged. It was my identity through Junior High and into High School. And it got me into college!
Then my world came crashing down when I blew my right knee out at a home meet near the end of our season.
Just like that, my world ended. My body had failed me, and although surgeons put me back together, I was never the same.
My identity was lost Freshman year as I had to move to the 1st floor of my dorm, ride a cart to and from classes, and watch as my gymnastics family moved on without me. To say it was my lowest point physically, and mentally, is an understatement. Eventually, my body healed, and although gymnastics was over for me, I drew on my mental toughness and physical perseverance learned from those countless hours in the gym.
I knew moving forward had to happen.
After college, I joined the FBI. Physical challenges were abound during the four months of training at the Academy. And I thrived off of them!
I pushed myself to the limit with my eyes on the goal.
I wanted to have my name forever emblazoned on a plaque on the wall in the Academy Gym. Only the very best – who achieved 50 points on the physical fitness test – were showcased in the gym.
You can see my plaque if you ever make it out to Quantico.
Then it was onto my Field Office, where I used my psychology skills as a Hostage Negotiator, part of a collateral duty from my casework.
While on the phone negotiating I would see the guys in Black and Camouflage smashing into the house, taking suspects at gunpoint, and being major part of every critical mission our Field Office got involved in.
I wanted in on that action!
I trained my ass off for months to ensure I could compete with the 19 men who put their names in the ring for SWAT tryouts. There are a variety of reasons women didn’t try out – pull-ups with a weighted vest was among the top. But I had been a gymnast. Swinging my body on the bars was a natural act for me. Add a 25 pound weighted Kevlar SWAT vest… let’s just say that changed the game.
I wanted to be on that team, though. I continued to train: in the gym, running, shooting, scenario work, etc. I probably put in more time into training than any of the men who planned to try out. Being 1 of the 20, I did not want to fail. Not only because failure would really suck, but because failing and being the only woman would have been a blow!
Long story shortened – with adrenaline on my side – I did 8 pull-ups with the vest and completed the physical portion of the test with solid scores. Then it was two days of scenarios and being pushed to our physical limits, to see if we’d crack.
I didn’t!
In the end, I was 1 of the 12 selected for that coveted position of FBI SWAT OPERATOR!
SWAT was awesome! Sniper school was incredible! Talk about using your brain and your body to do things you never thought possible.
Try stalking someone for over an hour in the Illinois heat of summer – low crawling for nearly half a mile, soaked in your own sweat, silently making your body move forward inch by excruciating inch.
Then “shooting” them from 200 yards out with a dummy round, all while being undetected and flattening your heart rate to ensure the rifle at your shoulder and your trigger finger had no movement.
I ate it up and loved every single minute of it. The challenge of the missions, the long hours of training and callouts, the camaraderie with my Sniper and Assault brothers – it was all me, all the time.
After many years on SWAT, and working Crimes Against Children cases (a whole other story), I pursued a promotion to be a Supervisor at FBI Headquarters.
Leaving SWAT was tough – I had no idea just how much THAT had become my identity. But life had to move forward. Things can’t always stay the same.
I had new goals within my FBI journey, and I continued on my trajectory. It was an emotionally exhilarating job when pedophiles and murderers are put in prison, but an emotionally trying when you witness what those who walk among us could do to our children.
Then, what I never thought could or would happen, happened.
I became pregnant.
I was not maternal – in any sense of the word – for the past 34 years of life. I was runnin’ and gunnin’, and I couldn’t imagine slowing down or being selfless enough to care for a life besides my own. I also couldn’t fathom bringing a child into the world that surrounded me in my career – fear was a driving force, both before and after having children.
Once again, my identity, and my body this time, changed.
Gymnast, Hostage Negotiator, SWAT Sniper, FBI Agent – those all fell by the wayside as I took on my latest identity:
Mom.
And it seemed I lost myself for a while, in a good way, of course.
Lost in the love, the nursing, the learning, and the doing. Diving in headfirst to the selflessness that is being a parent. Shedding traces of my old self, my old body of work(s), in an effort to be fully present in this new job, this next adventure, this life with kids – yep, I did it twice.
While getting lost in my children was incredible; eventually, I had to find myself again. And at nearly the same time, my husband announced he was selected to lead his office in…
wait for it…
Switzerland!
Oh the land of cheese and cowbells!!! Life somehow shifted again, and I held on for the ride.
With this move, I lost most of my identity again. My homeland, the support of my family and friends, and the use of the English language would all go by the wayside as we crossed the ocean and started a new normal as Expats. With no clue how I’d fit into the adventure.
This is when I rallied all of my prior identities, my bodies of work, my skill sets, and found myself again.
In a tiny Swiss town, I set out to recreate myself. Or rather unearth all that was within me and find new ways to utilize all those pieces and parts of me I thought had been shed, but were only lying dormant, waiting for their chance to come back to life.
I started writing about the FBI and cases that haunted me. I dug out my Self Defense notes and created an entire class – not only of the tactics but of the mindset and awareness pieces of self defense as well (you’ll get more of that soon).
Instead of trying to be like someone else or aligning myself with organizations that were place holders, I stepped way out of my comfort zone and started asking, “Who wants some of this?”
And that is how I roll with every move we’ve made since leaving our Swiss life.
Had you asked me 15 years ago where I saw myself in 2020, I would have said “Director of the FBI” and been pretty serious about it.
The vision would not have included children, Self Defense Classes, or Empowering Women and Girls. It would not have involved immersing myself in the Neurodiverse Community, writing books about my past FBI career, or putting my personal life out there to share in an attempt to encourage women to dig within themselves, pull out the gems, and continue evolving.
Is change difficult?
Is evolution draining? Is stagnance comfortable? Is newness frightening?
You bet it is!
But it’s also amazing. The challenges bring confidence, the change brings adventure, stepping into the open brings community, and stepping off the “comfort” ledge brings untold wealth to our bodies, our minds, and our soul.
I’m not spiritual or zen-like that, but when I make a move outside my comfort zone – even if the success is tiny – I feel energized, empowered, and ready to try one more tiny step further. You can do it too! Take the hand of a trusted friend, and don’t ever stop moving your body forward!
Now that you know a bit about me, my background, and why I am so passionate about loving your body through changes and pushing your body to preform, let’s dive into an empowered mindset and self defense!
Are you ready to kick some butt?
Watch Stacey and Kieren chat on The Lady Alliance Foundation’s WOMAN UP episode
Empowered Mindset
With a goal of increasing our situational awareness while decreasing our chances of being targeted for victimization, this section of the Chapter will focus on topics such as analyzing our surroundings, safety strategies, and trusting our bodies in unsafe situations.
Love-work
Before we launch into the course, let’s review our current safety and confidence levels.
Please circle where you are on the Safety Scale below:
In your journals, let’s describe the current safety rating you’ve given yourself, and why you gave yourself the score you did.
Now let’s get into the HOW of “How can I keep myself safe?”
Goals and Objectives for this course are:
- To increase our situational awareness while analyzing and adjusting our safety plan.
- To engage our defensive skills to protect and defend ourselves, create distance, and alert or seek help. And I’ll add, WITH CONFIDENCE!
With regard to a safety plan, it’s similar to when a fire alarm would go off in school (or in an office building). We all know EXACTLY what to do, because we practiced it – over and over again. We were educated (about a possible danger) and then empowered (to use our bodies to move away from the danger).
In an emergency situation, our brain can recall 2-3 things/steps. So if a fire alarm goes off at school – we know to stand up, head toward the door, walk to the exit, line up in the field. There’s not a ton of thought that has to go into it – because we’ve practiced the scenario a multitude of times. And we have confidence in knowing what to do.
This way, if the emergency was real, there would be an immediate response in getting ourselves to safety, with minimal fear and panic. We wouldn’t have to turn in circles or ask what we should do. We already know instinctively in our minds – which translates the message to our body – to calmly exit the building. We’ve built that safety plan, and it’s embedded now.
Simple, right?!
And just to be clear – there is no “one way” to keep yourself safe or get yourself out of danger. There is no magic formula, no secret skill that if mastered will always provide you a lifetime of safety. My favorite way to think of this is as “tools in my toolbox” or tool bel
I personally have many tools in my safety toolbox. Some I use more than others. Some are old, some are new. I practice with all of them – whether it is through an empowered mindset or through self defense – as often as I can. They are always with me, ready to be deployed, utilized, and called upon.
No one can see them, but I carry each with confidence wherever I go.
Our Two Main Themes are Awareness and Mental Readiness
Just by taking this section of The Body Course, you are increasing your awareness. You may have rated yourself at a 5 or a 7 on the Safety Scale, or far lower.
But every time we talk about, think about, and practice safety – we raise our awareness rating.
It’s like planting a seed that, if we tend to it and take time to focus on it, will keep on growing.
The mental readiness portion of safety comes into play when we walk through our personal safety. These are thoughts such as: “Am I capable of avoiding an unsafe situation?” “Could I use my voice without being frozen in fear?” “Can I grow confidence in my body as a safety tool?”
If we are prepared and practicing our skills, we will be intrinsically ready should we find ourselves near, or in, an unsafe situation. We all have a survival instinct – we need to mentally call it forward and add it in the front pocket of our tool belt!
**You might be wondering “Why are these 2 themes in a “body” course?”
What our mind prepares for, practices, and fights through produces the reaction in our body of fight or flight.
If we have the tools, once our mind says “Let’s Roll”, our body will respond instinctively, and with immediacy, to protect us.
Situational Awareness
The 3 parts of Situational Awareness are:
1) OBSERVE
2) EVALUATE
3) CHOOSE AND CHANGE MY COURSE OF ACTION
Let’s flesh those out. If they sound simple, it’s because they are, and if you practice them on a regular basis they’re literally as easy as 1-2-3!
Observe
If we have our heads up, taking in the world around us – we are already doing step one.
A sub-step within that is scanning. Look left, look right, look up ahead so you see everything around you. It will take about 2 seconds and it sets us up for step two.
Evaluate
For example: If I am observing the path from the gym to my car, and in the parking lot I see something either out of place or unsafe, something that gives my gut a tingle (always listen to your gut!) – I can evaluate what I’m seeing. Instantly I say to myself: “What is that? Is that safe or unsafe?”
Choose and Change My Course Of Action
Let’s take it a step further: If there is a man standing close by the passenger door of my car in the parking lot – I can (1) observe him, then (2) evaluate what he is doing. Maybe he’s fumbling for keys, turning in my direction, or pulling on my door handle, etc. Whatever it is – I need to make a decision about continuing onto my car, or NOT.
This is step three. Choosing and changing my course of action.
If I’m not observing and evaluating my surroundings and an unsafe situation unfolds, the danger could be upon me before I even have a chance to complete step three.
Often we don’t give ourselves permission to avoid or remove ourselves from an uncomfortable or unsafe situation.
Going further with the example: If the guy above is near my car and I know I need to get home, shower, get my kids from school, then make dinner and call a co-worker (all the stuff we pile into one giant to-do list) then I may not mentally evaluate the situation. Instead I head straight to my car.
But if I give myself permission to have the thought “I don’t like how this looks/how he looks/how close he is to my car/how uncomfortable this makes me feel” then I can change my course of action and keep myself safe.
My new (chosen and changed) course of action might be to go back inside the gym and ask someone to escort me to my car, or take several steps back and continue to observe the guy without getting closer, or set off the alarm on my car to see if the guy moves away.
I hope you see that you have many options – instead of just putting your head down and getting into your car.
If we run through the 3 steps – Observe, Evaluate, Choose and Change My Course Of Action – every time we are out and about, it will become instinctive and second nature. And it keeps us aware of our surroundings at all times.
**Remember: Your safety is yours – Be responsible for it!
The goal of understanding situational awareness is not to make us live in fear, it’s so we can identify when situations or people may seem off or out of place. Then we have our tools in position to trust our body and react quickly.
My Safety Motto – especially when working with children – is:
Get Away, Run Away, Right Away!
We never have to wait around to figure out if a situation is safe or unsafe…if it gives you even an inkling of being unsafe – get out of there fast!
Stages of an Attack
Now let’s move into understanding the stages of an attack. I’ve listed each stage for you to review, then click on the video below to learn more.
1) Selection of a victim.
These are the NONVERBAL CUES you give off.
***If you only take 1 piece of information away from this course – let this be this one! Be aware of your nonverbal cues!***
2) Approach.
This is when someone gets into our space.
3) Intimidation.
This is used by the perpetrator to keep us fearful, and increasing the chances we will comply.
WE MUST TAKE BACK CONTROL – this is when our empowered mindset and our confidence in our voice, strength, and body come into play.
4) The Act.
This is when what was intended unfolds.
This isn’t always clear. It can be spoken or unspoken.
5) Escape.
Always know where your escape route is.
Easy vs. Hard Target
Let’s chat through the differences between an easy and a hard target.
We don’t want to project ourselves as an easy target.
If you carry yourself with your shoulders hunched and head down, or if you lack confidence, or you’re prone to getting lost – constantly turning in circles to find your way – these are all clues a perpetrator could pick up on.
Again, it’s those nonverbal cues.
**Practice making yourself appear as a HARD TARGET***.
This means if someone was looking for a victim and saw you – they would have to think twice about choosing you, or wouldn’t even choose you at all, based on the nonverbal cues you’ve given them.
Make yourself a HARD TARGET by:
1) Projecting confidence – Head up, shoulders set back, eyes scanning, know your route.
2) Make eye contact – Look around, notice who’s near you or behind you. Again – heads up.
3) Keep your hands free if at all possible – Carrying 3 grocery bags, a purse, and a stack of books will make it easy for someone to get into your space, chase you, or recognize you’ll have to put all of that down to get your keys out and get into your car.
4) Carry something in your hand – just one hand – for “protection” – This could be your cell phone, a metal pen, a hard water bottle, or even an umbrella.
—- If you’re traveling to/from someplace where you need keys (home, dorm room, car, office) – always have them OUT and IN YOUR HAND before you get to your destination.
Safety Scenarios and Safety Reminders
Next let’s talk about safety scenarios and reminders. These examples are based on common events in our daily lives that everyone does, and are unsafe. If we check ourselves and practice situational awareness, we can increase our ability to avoid unsafe situations and/or recognize potential hazards before getting too close.
Distracted by the phone:
This is the #1 scenario that I teach in every class. I have at least one (most times multiple) woman tell me they do this all the time (yikes!!!).
DO NOT sit in your car and get on your phone. I realize we are all attached to our phones, but we make ourselves a very easy target when we leave a place (the mall, or the gym, or a meeting), get into our car, then sit and scroll/post/text/etc.
I have seen women so engrossed in their scrolling while sitting in their cars – sometimes in a dark parking lot – that I’ve been able to get right up next to their window, or the passenger side window, and have a good long look at them.
Creepy, I know. But 9 times out of 10, they DON’T EVEN NOTICE ME!!!
Now imagine I watched them leave (the gym), then saw them distracted on their phone, and had bad intentions in mind…yep, happens all the time unfortunately.
My suggestion would be to stay in the place (mall, gym, office building, etc) and check your phone before going out to your car. There is no reason we can’t stay in a safe space to do all of our phone/social media/family check ins, before leaving the area safely.
*On that same phone distraction note, please be aware that when we are talking and texting while out and about it provides a gigantic distraction in terms of having situational awareness. It’s one thing to have your phone out and handy should you need it, it’s another to be oblivious to the world around us when we have the phone in our hands or up to our ear.
Uber/Lyft/Ride Sharing:
Although ride sharing options have improved our ability to get us places, they have also posed issues to our personal safety.
A few reminders when using ride sharing are:
1) Be 100% certain the driver and the vehicle are the ones you “ordered” – the hashtag helping to promote this is #WhatsMyName – if the driver does not know your name, it is NOT your driver.
2) Travel with a friend (or two) in the vehicle – not alone.
3) Sit in the backseat – passenger side – so you are further from the driver’s reach and have easy access to 2 escape routes.
4) Before entering the vehicle, check to ensure the child safety lock is not engaged in the back seat. If it is in the engaged position you will not be able to escape independently.
Someone at your door, home or hotel:
Be aware of who is “supposed to be” at your door.
Did you call a plumber? Do you plan to buy that newspaper or purchase the spider-removal program being peddled at your door? Is there a maintenance issue in your hotel room that YOU did not call about but someone is there to “fix it”?
Tricks and ruses are often used to gain access to someone. We are never obligated to open our door to anyone – regardless of their claims.
If you are unsure as to why a person (possibly in a work uniform) is attempting to gain access, ask for their name, ID number, and company. Then let them know you’re calling the company to verify their validity.
Give yourself permission to never open the door, and take action, if you believe a trick is at play.
Coming/Going from home, work, school:
Take into consideration our routines – especially when coming and going from a place regularly.
Altering your pattern, when you can, will make you a harder target. Also take note when coming back home from work/school, especially if it tends to be in the dark. Scan the surroundings, note anything amiss, and alter your course if you do see/feel something isn’t quite right.
Give yourself permission to drive around the block, go to a friend’s house, or call someone to meet you. Don’t hesitate to call the Police if you feel it’s warranted.
**On a similar note – if you ever think you are being followed, DO NOT go to your residence. It’s best to drive to a public place – most preferably is a Police or Fire Station near you.
Parking Lots:
When possible, park closest to your destination. If you know you’ll be leaving your location in the dark, park under a light. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable when approaching your car – turn around and go back. If you suspect someone is following you to your car – walk past your car and return to where you came from. Many problems arise in parking lots – being situationally aware is key to your safety.
Be the Safety Friend:
Out at night? Be the friend who walks someone to their car, dorm, or front door.
Unsafe situation? Be the friend who steps up to say, “This is making me uncomfortable, let’s leave.”
Uber driver there for pickup? Be the friend that shares the ride.
So many times we don’t want to bother someone when we need help. And vice versa, we don’t want to make a big deal out of “nothing” even when our gut is screaming for our attention.
Be the friend who asks for help, listens to their gut, changes a situation, and steps up to form a group when needed.
Check Sex Offender Registry:
Although it might seem upsetting or scary to learn you have a sex offender living near you – the education is empowering!
Don’t just search for registered offenders near your home. Search near your work, your school (or your children’s school), and the places you frequent (gym, church, library, shopping center, etc).
Is this a 100% reliable source of information? Sadly no – not all offenders comply with their registration requirements. But it is another informational tool in our toolbox.
Check with local police:
Whether surrounding your neighborhood, your business, your college, your place of work, etc. – it’s always a great idea to maintain a relationship with your local police.
They will know the crime statistics in your area and can provide pertinent information that will help you make safe choices.
For example: If the police tell me there is a spike in criminal activity around the campus library after 11pm on Friday nights – then I can be sure to avoid that location during those times. Or if the police tell me there is an uptick in suspicious activity at the park near my house during the weekends after dark – then I can make alternate plans to enjoy outdoor activities at another location.
The police would rather provide information, and educate the public, BEFORE an incident happens. Calling the non-emergency line to get information is vastly different than calling 911.
Love-work:
What do you carry?
Now, get up out of that chair and we’ll check what you carry with you on a daily basis. Let’s grab your purses, bags and jackets and see if there’s anything in there we could use to help call attention to ourselves. Let’s analyze what we could use as a weapon if needed. Here’s what I have in my small handbag, my bigger purse, and what my daughters have in their backpacks:
1)Phone
2)Whistle attached to zipper
**Both can be used to attract attention or call for help
3) Water Bottle
4)Metal Pen
5) Scissors
6) Small flashlight
7)Tactical Pen
8) Brutus Keychain
**All can be used as weapons in an emergency situation
I also carry a tourniquet – because I’m a “just in case I need it” kind of gal.
What do you have?
What If’s
There are countless “What If’s”, so many that it would take pages and pages to go through, and I still might not cover the ones that you could come up with for your life.
That said, take some time to reflect on your average week or month (pre or post Coronavirus Quarantine).
Where are some areas you might identify as needing to be considered within your safety plan? What are some situations you find yourself in, that could present themselves as unsafe? Who are some people in your life that may need a safety friend – or who you could call on to be a safety friend? What are some “What If’s” that scare you or make your heart rate increase when you picture them?
I’ll share my most concerning “What If”.
I sleep on my stomach, and my scariest scenario would be, “What If someone came into my bedroom and sat on top of me while I am face down in my bed?”
Yikes, right!?
Instead of letting it take over my thoughts, and lead to any anxiety, I acknowledge it and practice ways to escape.
I have my husband sit on my back while I’m in my sleeping position. Then I push through any fear and work the problem. Moving, pinching, grabbing, turning, and going for vulnerable areas on his body (we’ll get to those during the self defense portion).
Working through my scariest “What If” gives me confidence, and empowers me to defeat the scenario. Sure it may look silly, and we often laugh when “practicing”, but it helped me conquer the fear that could consume me if I didn’t face it. And now, if it happened in real life, I’d be more prepared to work the problem with a clear plan while using tools in my toolbox.
Mental preparation is a huge component of having an Empowered Mindset. When we allow ourselves to recognize where we might be vulnerable, or have gaps in our safety plan, we can practice, rehearse, and find a multitude of tools to use in overcoming any concerns we identify. This allows us to continue making ourselves a hard target.
Love-work:
Take a few minutes to write out some of your “What If’s”. Then see if you can come up with a few ways to work the problem.
Practice the scenario, and get a sense of empowerment over what scares you.
Escalation Continuum
The easiest way to think about our options if we observe an unsafe situation, or are confronted with a dangerous situation, is this escalation continuum.
If we can AVOID the situation because we had our heads up, we were observing our surroundings, and saw the threat or concern before it got too close – that’s always the goal.
However – if we didn’t observe the situation, or it came out of nowhere, and now it’s getting too close – we still have options. Use that flight instinct when the adrenaline kicks in and RUN, or move away, while alerting others to the danger. Yell, blow a whistle, call 911 if you can.
Lastly – if we cannot avoid or escape the situation – we can use the fight instinct as the adrenaline surges to ACT or REACT. Taking a defensive stance, using our voice, and deploying our bodies to protect ourselves are all ways to act or react if the danger is close by. Then we should find our escape route and use it.
Love-work
Safety Check In
Check back in with yourself after digesting the empowered mindset portion of the class. Circle where you are on the Safety Scale.
Did you stay the same or improve? Did you pick up a few tools for your toolbox?
In your journals, let’s describe the post lesson safety rating you’ve given yourself, and why you gave yourself the score you did.
“I AM A BAD ASS” Vision Board
Let’s make a “I AM A BADASS” vision board. If we can see ourselves as strong and powerful, and we can visualize being in control of our safety we can manifest that inner fierceness.
Strong words, images, and goals that help us overcome doubt should be included to remind us of just how incredible we are. And just how capable we are of living our best lives, fulfilling our dreams and ambitions, and being out there in the world as confident, capable, undeniable badasses!
Here’s a couple on my “I Am A Badass” vision board:
I want to share a powerful reminder that even with no training, very little situational awareness, and a tiny stature, a child fought off an attempted abduction. She kicked, flailed, screamed, and thrashed violently while the abductor tried to hold her in his arms and get to his car. He actually dropped her – she was fighting that fiercely. He scooped her up again, and she repeated her aggressive defense.
He dropped her again and took off.
Knowing we have that fight inside us, even if untapped and untrained, reminds me just how powerful our mind and body can react in an emergency situation.
My goal is to never have to use our bodies to protect ourselves, to defend an attack, or to fight our way to freedom. But if we weren’t able to avoid an unsafe situation, we should add defensive tactics skills to our toolbox or tool belt in case we need them in the future.
Let’s move to the Self Defense portion of the course, and join in as I walk us through how to use our bodies for defense.
Self Defence with Stacey
Make sure you have a safe space to move around and practice the defensive tactics along with me in the video. I will say, there are TONS of self defense suggestions – many geared toward women – online.
Some might be effective, but keep in mind that they are not all meant for every person, in every situation. Some take mastery and years of practice. Some might not be applicable to us if we have limited mobility. Some have so many steps it may not be practical in an emergency situation.
That’s where what I teach is different.
In an emergency, we are only capable of remembering a few things. As our mind closes in on fight or flight, we want to have a few skills at our disposal to immediately deploy – and not waste precious time thinking through.
If we practice 2-3 techniques – every month – along with the Empowered Mindset Situational Awareness steps (just 3), then we can make those our “go to’s” if we find ourselves in an unsafe situation.
Digest what I’ll show you – many techniques I learned and taught during my time as a Defensive Tactics Instructor with the FBI. We never learned an 8-part technique…in an emergency, we’d only really recall steps 1-4 at best. But, look up techniques and if you find something you love – practice it. If it includes multiple steps taught only in one order, be wary.
The first defensive technique we have at our disposal is our VOICE. USE IT!
I never like to tell people what to yell – just yell something! And make it deep, or high pitched – whichever way, mean it when you use your voice.
I like to keep what I yell short (and to the point) as in: NO! HELP! STOP! I’ll usually move those around as the situation depends.
The only thing I suggest is you make it short, and forceful. I don’t want to yell a sentence like “Stop right now or I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t get out of here…” That loses its force about three words in – and my brain, instead of concentrating on my next move could get stuck spewing out the sentence. Make it short and make it fierce!
The bonus to the short and fierce is that we set our core when we exhale that command. Setting our core leads directly into using our body in defense, or attack. It also gives our adrenaline somewhere to go if we happen to get stuck when our fight or flight kicks in.
While you’re practicing the defensive tactics we’ll learn, practice deploying that voice! What you practice now will inevitably be what comes out in a true emergency. Set muscle memory to your voice! And hear your power coming from within!
I’ll list the techniques we’ll do and then each section will have a video to view. You don’t need any equipment, but I will demonstrate on my free-standing boxing bag. Much like boxers practice with shadow boxing, every technique can be practiced to build muscle memory without contact with equipment.
Vulnerable Targets
There are vulnerable targets on every person, regardless of size, and whether they are male or female.
When focusing on the tactics to defend ourselves, we want to focus on the most sensitive targets of the body. Since there are so many targets from head to toe – it allows us to have many options if we need to strike.
As noted on the diagram below, there are targets from eyes to instep, and using our hands, elbows, knees, and feet, we are not limited to what we can do. And we are not restricted to only 1 or 2 ways to defend ourselves. If someone has my arm – I am not done for – I still have my other arm and both legs to strike out with. If someone has my legs – I am not done for – I still have my arms to use in defense.
If we go back to our “What If” and you have a concern about being held in a certain way, or grabbed in a particular manner, note how many different vulnerable areas exist on the body for you to target.
If you remember only 2 targets from this section – let it be Eyes and Groin! Even in an intensely bloody Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) fight – if a fighter is poked in the eye OR his groin is hit, the fight will be stopped. These areas are that sensitive. They should always be your go-to.
Let’s walk through some moves!
As you watch the videos – check back on the Vulnerable Targets diagram to set your intentions while you practice.
Be thinking: What personal weapon on my body (hands, elbow, knee, etc.) can be used to impact a vulnerable target on an attacker’s body (nose, groin, shin, etc.).
Voice + Stance
Hand Strikes – with placement shown on a person
Hand Strikes – shown full speed on a boxing pad
Elbow Strikes and Hammer Fist to the rear – on a person
Elbow Strikes and Hammer Fist to the rear – shown full speed
Knee Strikes and Kicks – on a person
Knee Strikes and Kicks – shown full speed
Wrap Up with a few final thoughts
Practice
I encourage everyone I work with to set a reminder in their calendar every month to revisit the Empowered Mindset topics and practice the Self Defense techniques.
Role playing and scenarios – especially if they are your “What If’s” – will help solidify what you’ve learned.
Soon, the situational awareness steps (Observe, Evaluate, Choose and Change My Course Of Action) will become second nature. Scanning a parking lot or concert crowd and choosing a safer course of action can be done with little extra effort once we are confident and have taken time to practice the skills – you’ll be surprised at what you start to see and notice in your surroundings.
Projecting ourselves with confidence, using our voices while knowing we have a fierceness inside will allow us to go out into our lives with a feeling of assurance and an ability to handle any situation that comes our way.
Love-work
Final Safety Check In
Check back in with yourself after digesting the self defense portion of the class. Circle where you are on the Safety Scale.
Did you stay the same or improve? Did you pick up a few tools for your toolbox?
Let’s describe your final safety rating. Why did you give yourself the score you did? Is there anything you want to make note of as you see improvement?
Include reminders of what you learned, what you might improve on, and what you plan to practice.
Final Thoughts
In my personal story and body of work, I noticed a pattern throughout my life. I tried to sum it up in the image below.
We can all easily stay in our comfort zone with our known skill set, doing what makes us happy. But if we have confidence and a sense of desire, coupled with a feeling of empowerment, we can push out a bit from that comfortable place. It might be hiking a mountain, traveling on a solo trip, putting ourselves in line for a promotion, or battling a fear.
When we take that leap (big or small), we will be challenged.
But in those challenging moments, we can call upon our empowered mindset and remind ourselves of what we’re capable of, which leads to growth.
Ahhhhh! And it’s a cycle – new growth means opening ourselves up to new opportunities and expanding our experiences.
The reward is a sense of fulfillment, and a time for self-love – recognizing how that one small step brought us to a new place in life and we can rejoice in all that newness. Which then allows us the benefit of new skill sets, an elevated comfort zone, and a continued sense of happiness because of the journey we ventured out into. And it just keeps going and going, growing and developing.
When I was featured in a news story a few years ago the final shot was of my own quote that has always resonated with me,
“If I am ever chosen as a victim, it doesn’t mean I have to be victimized.”
Click below to check out the Additional Resources page within the course, a couple more love-work exercises, and the College Safety Tips.