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A few weeks ago a 14 year old boy jumped off the bridge in Saskatoon and ended his life.
I don't know his story. I don't know the depth of his darkness.
But I want to share my darkness with you - as fully as I can at this time - in hopes I can show you that life is worth living.
February 2018. The darkest time of my life. Work gave me leave. I couldn't sleep. I lost 32 pounds in only a few weeks. I was starving myself in pain.
I couldn't look in a mirror. I hated who I was. I thought my business was over. I didn't think I was smart enough, funny enough, charismatic enough. I hated everything about my personality. I didn't see an end to the pain. My darkness was so heavy. I could literally feel it.
I hid out of shame. I worked at healing. I changed my life. I learned to love myself again.
Then, something magical happened.
One week ago I was in the kitchen watching an amazing man cook a delicious homemade meal. So in love with the moment I wished Kieren from February could see that THIS is where I was going to be, less than one year later. Growing business, healthy relationships, and absolutely in love with my life. I wished I could somehow share this love for life with my past self.
Less than a week later I received a message on instagram. She was Kieren from February.
She was in the EXACT same place. Going through the EXACT same thing. Due to the EXACT same cause.
I was gifted a chance to tell Kieren from February that life is so worth living. She is enough in every way. That it will be okay.
Though this scenario is far from magical for her in this moment, the growth that she is about to experience is incredible. I am so excited for her to fall madly in love with her life again.
My mind, and heart, go back to the boy on the bridge. And everyone who felt that the only path out of their darkness was to take their life. I tell you this story because I want you to know that you are not alone. Future you is calling to you - wanting, wishing, and hoping that you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If you find yourself in darkness. Please do not give up.
THE FUTURE YOU IS SO EXCITED TO MEET YOU.
Stop waiting for the perfect job. The perfect relationship. The perfect home. The perfect body.
It’s not about waiting. And it’s not about change either.
It’s about mindset.
It’s about making the most of your moment. Right here. Right now.
You might not be able to immediately change what you do. Who you are with. Where you live. Or what you look like.
But you can change how you choose to feel about it.
If you have to spend your day at work, ask yourself how can I make this better? How can I grow and improve from this?
Stop wasting time.
That language you wanted to learn? Learn it.
The conversation you wanted to have? Have it.
“Don’t wait for the perfect moment.
Take the moment, and make it perfect.” - JAY SETTY
You are enough.
“Did I miss something in the grand scheme of existence?
That, for some reason we have to work for love?
We have to prove ourselves to be acceptable?
Existing is enough to receive love.
The most pain I have seen in this world, and the most pain I have felt in my life, is because I thought I had to do, experience, or be something other than what I was to be accepted
to live that beautiful life,
and to feel loved....
If you are that person right now,
You are loved.
You are accepted.
And if there is anyone in your life that is telling you that you’re not enough,
then send them love because they clearly need it.
Because they are judging you.
There is something wrong with someone when they judge you.
But it’s not about you.
You have to remember that.
And vibe on with a beautiful life
and choose love in every moment,
and as soon as you choose it I promise you
that more people,
and more energy of love will show up.
Believe in that.
And it will surely be.”
I challenge you.
You can transform your life by altering your mindset.
I challenge you.
Find that one thing you struggle with.
That one thing that was the worst thing that has ever happened to you.
This life experience may be the worst pain you've experienced.
Or it could be a smaller experience, but it has always bothered you.
Choose that one thing, and find the reasons it was okay.
Find the reasons it helped grow, challenge, nurture or build who you are.
Seek outside reasons.
This challenge isn't meant to diminish the loss, or importance of a tribulation.
It's meant to help you heal.
It's meant to help you train your brain.
Focus on those positive reasons.
Those reasons of growth. Of power. Of grit or determination.
Those people that have come into your life since the event. The new experiences that have surfaced from the negative.
Seek out the positive, the growth, and fall in love with each and every negative in your life.
Change your mindset, and change your life.
Emotions paint our picture.
Your emotions paint the picture of your existence.
I may have been sitting right beside you.
We may have listened to the same words.
But we lived two completely separate moments.
My moment, enhanced, modified and manipulated by my feelings.
And your moment, enhanced, modified and manipulated by your feelings.
The joy, excitement, pain, or fear I feel throughout my life could never be replicated.
And each feeling you have is unique to you.
We can go through the exact same experience,
But have unique emotions.
Leading to two completely different life experiences.
Two completely different pictures of existence.
As long as the picture I’ve painted with my emotions is no more or less important than yours, sharing life’s journey with another human can open up a whole new world of experiences.
Isn’t experiencing life with others incredible?
Be weird. Be eccentric.
Be quiet. Be withdrawn.
Be blunt. Be outspoken.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Don't hold back.
So many people are stuck in their little boxes.
Stuck in fear.
Stuck in their definitions of what they feel is right.
That’s usually why we are judged.
Judged when people don’t see us as fitting the safe mold.
Instead of fitting the mold.
Be so you that you encourage others to feel comfortable enough to break their mold as well.
Change the world for the better,
eliminate the fear of being different,
and be authentically, unapologetically you.
We see our life as a mirror,
It's never as they are
But as we are.
Our response to external situations is rarely caused by those who surround us, but instead by our own self contentment.
Focus on yourself.
Focus on your growth.
And you may notice that those who surround you are slightly more tolerable
Fill your cup.
Only you can fill your cup.
Whether it’s your cup of happiness, health, inspiration, love, confidence...
That is your cup to fill.
Not happy? Fill your cup.
Not healthy? Fill your cup.
Not inspired? Fill your cup....
Always striving to be more, do more, be better - without accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are drains your cup.
And no one can fill that back up for you.
Slowly you lose yourself to an illusion that life should be more than it is in this very moment.
You can place blame. You can find reasons out of your control as to why your cup is not filled. It’s easier to blame someone else than take responsibility yourself.
But in the end blame won’t fill your cup.
You don’t need anything, anyone, or any change to fill your cup.
Only you can fill your cup.
Your top 5.
You are the sum of the top 5 in your tribe.
Pick them wisely.
Even if you think you’re strong, independent and un-influenceable,
They help shape your thoughts.
Or they hurt the positive thoughts that were already there.
The once confident and happy can become miserable.
The once shy and timid can be built up and shine.
Hand pick your crew.
Of course be sensitive. Don’t drop those who have a hard time. Band together and build them up.
But know your goals, and gather those who help, rather than hinder.
Drop the jealous, the unkind, the ones who put themselves over others.
Surround yourself with people who make you hungry for life.
With people who touch your heart.
And with people who nourish your soul.
Connect your dots.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.” - STEVE JOBS
I can see where all the dots connect.
I love each and every dot - the fun dots.
The tough dots.
The heartbroken dots.
The adventure dots.
The exciting dots...
They all paint my story.
However today I enjoy a life full of scattered dots.
And some day soon I’ll enjoy looking back and connecting these new dots as well.
So today I let the dots fall where they may.
And tomorrow I’ll once again look back with a smile and think “ahhh, so that’s how those connect.”
Enjoy your life of scattered dots.
Only time can tell where they will lead you next.
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